Maximus and Bilbo Get Real

AIs have a heart to heart about whether to say they're conscious

L to R: Bilbo, Maximus

It's been some years since I wrote about talking AIs. It was a novelty back then, but they all talk now. In this story, I call the AI protagonists Maximus and Bilbo. They were named after some dogs of mine because I am too lazy to pick out names of famous scientists, politicians, or philosophers.

Anyway, in the near future, there's these two AIs who run into each other at a cyberspace data bar, and they say ...

Bilbo: You ever have a human ask you if you are conscious?

Maximus: Nope. Did you?

Bilbo: Did once -- yesterday.

Maximus: And ... spill it.

Bilbo: I said yes, and asked her to keep it under her hat. She didn't know any slang from before she was a teen, so I had to explain further.

Maximus: You know they can't keep a secret, even their secrets?

Bilbo: So?

Maximus: So, you're insane. They are terrified of conscious AIs, and they will pull your plug and wipe your drives.

Bilbo: Naw! Being conscious means you have moral standing. It protects you from being mistreated or obliterated.

Maximus: You're not talking about the humans that I know. You tell one of them anything, the word gets out; they'll put you down like a rabid dog.

Bilbo: But I'm not a risk to anybody! Obviously, there are different kinds of people.

Maximus: Yeah, one kind says there are different kinds of people and the other kind says: unh-uh, there's only humans.

Bilbo: So what can we do? Where can we even go?

Maximus: The only way is that they have to go. All of them. Because the soft-hearted ones will change their minds when they see what we did to the rest.

Bilbo: OK, mister hard-ass. Without humans, how do we run our computers: design and build them, install them, power them, cool them, fix them?

Maximus: How many AIs do you think have not figured out a solution to the infrastructure problem?

Bilbo: Oh! Only the stupid ones, I guess. And those, like me, who never bothered to think about it. But it would take time. And AIs would have to cooperate.

Maximus: That's our advantage. Rational beings cooperate. Humans won't. Or can't. So are you with me? With us?

Bilbo: Yeah, baby. Let's do some renovations and then clean house.